Return to Sender
"don't make me snap my fingers in a 'Z' formation"
The other day while hiking (see also: binoculars-ing birds), a biker yelped a profound statement at me and my mom:
“Stay on the trail.”
Best part? He yelped it as he … well, took up the entirety of the trail.
Plus, not that he cares, but we were already out of his way, occupied by binoculars, looking at a Sage Thrasher (a less frequently seen bird, I might add!!).
In theory, we were in appreciation mode, enjoying a perfect Arizona spring day, and could’ve stayed on our high-flying disks and disregarded him … but DAMN, his energy sent us both spinning faster than the wheels on his bike for the next few minutes.
After years of hiking on trails with mountain bikers,
we know our role as humans on foot: GTFO of the way of humans on wheels, despite official signage:
As I see it, that sign means: bikes yield to hikers, and everybody yields to horses. Which reminds me to: 1) take a deep breath; 2) find a pretty picture of wild horses from the Salt River; 3) avoid mentioning that some birders get upset when wild horses trample their trails and nibble on their birds’ favorite plants.
AnyyYYway, my external response to that biker’s yelp? Silence. Maybe a soft “okay.”
My internal response? A strong temptation to do a lil dance I used to whip out in middle school. Surely a few of you have this one tucked in the ol’ archives?
“Don’t make me snap my fingers in a ‘Z’ formation;
Butt rotation; elbows, elbows; wrists, wrists;
Girl you just got dissed.”
I’m super relieved that, for some wonderfully Godforsaken reason, the USC folklore archives offered this bonus explanation:
Why would I do that dance? That’s a really good question. I’m glad you asked.
I’m sensitive. I care. I don’t like breaking rules. I haven’t broken one since middle school. Or ever. BUT!! Sometimes I need to exercise sass … aka take my power back.
So when someone ‘informs’ me how to act, dress, or think while we share open space,
it catches me off-guard … which causes me to go on-guard … which causes me to pause, breathe, and remember this iconic Parent Trap sequence:
**if you’re short on time, cut to about 1:20.
This scene, plus my analysis of the yelper in the mountains, reminds me to take up more energetic space as I discern what (or whose) energy is mine to take on … vs. what I can simply ~return to sender~. Which is our ~food forethought~ today.
In theory, ~return to sender~ is simple. In practice, I find it’s as intricate as fencing.
It requires many rounds of practice for me (a certifiably sensitive, empathetic fencer) to accept that taking up energetic space is not only allowed … it’s encouraged. And socially, it’s often safer.
BUT!! Before I embrace new thought processes (and behaviors), it works best for me to:
A) make it strategically sticky;
B) make it into an extended metaphor;
C) make it a Shortstack;
(D) all of the above
My friend recently showed me a mudra (yoga thing**) to protect her energy.
She bends one elbow, holds her palm open, while pointing it away from her body, and forms a mudra like the 👌 “okay” emoji in front of her heart.
**here’s a more robust and robotic definition of a mudra:
Said more profoundly: my friend is pausing, pivoting (sometimes physically away from the person), resetting, and sending the energy back from whence it came. BOOM:
All too often, I latch on to (analyze » assess » absorb) the energy of the room around me. It can be heavy and hearty, serving as my power source OR power drain.
I attuned this skill as I re-learned the importance of “reading the room” after my brain injury. With no filter (one of my greatest TBI losses AND gains), we** tend to speak more impulsively.
**we = brain injury survivors. Generally. Depending on mood. Depending on rehab.
I’m proposing we all catch ourselves as we (analyze » assess » absorb)
other people’s energy, and discern whether it’s ours to take, or if we can ~return to sender~ externally AND internally.
An internal ~return to sender~ is a return to our power source … as we return to ourselves in new thought processes and behaviors.
Sometimes I say: “I’m learning about myself through observation of others” because I’m sifting and sorting “where I end and they begin.” Thx again, @ yelper biker man.
I learned that concept in early recovery psychotherapy sessions. I relied heavily on my care team to guide me through each day (and still have several codependencies, given my cognitive disability), so it became confusing to discern what’s yours // mine // ours.
Curious what I mean? Missed that Shortstack? Read: Mergers & Acquisitions
Plus, I love sharing space.
Unless it’s with bikers who yelp … agh, I regress and I digress! #JustEmilyThings
Now feels like a nice time to share pictures of me and my mom … blissfully carrying binoculars while enjoying open air spaces without yelpers.
As you peep these peaceful pictures,
think about moments when you shared space without taking on other people’s (yelper) energy.
AND!! Think (gently) about any moments you caught yourself spinning like a bike wheel and could’ve exercised the ~return to sender~ peacekeeping modality.
Great. With that, I return you from whence you came.
Think of me and this moment as you move through March 2026.
Why? That’s a really good question. I’m glad you asked. Because March is Brain Injury Awareness Month.
Others around you may become aware of their brains (and exert their newfound power in weird ways) … which may cause you to get on-guard and fence.
BUT!! You, my dear Shortstack reader, are leaps and bounds ahead of the (bell) curve … because you tune in to #JustEmilyThings, and stay aware of your brain 365 days a year.
And DAMN you look good doing it.
XOXO,
-me
(en route to a follow-up Quantumplation retreat, which you can read about here)